If What Happens on Facebook Happened IRL (in real life)




Today in honour of the new Facebook alert sound, which sounds like a cat walking across a piano keyboard, I have made a TOP TEN list of a few of the quirks of Facebook that simply would not translate well in real life for me.Yes, we’ve already seen a million articles and videos about Facebook… maybe two million.

Well, now we have two million and one. I’m adding mine to the heap.

I encourage you to add to this list the things you wouldn’t ‘LIKE’ in the comments below. 
  1. Writing on my walls. If you came to my house and did that, I would not ‘LIKE’ it. In fact, I’d ask you to wash it completely off or repaint the wall.
  2. Poking me. Thankfully this has been all but removed from Facebook because I don’t want to be poked in real life or online.
  3. Facebook telling you I’ve ‘Seen’ your message. They tell you that but fail to tell you it was while I was trying to catch a bowl of flying soup across the kitchen or that it wasn’t me but my child who opened my phone to ‘see’ it. Or that I was out and unable to reply. If they don’t give you all the info then they should just not give you any. It’s not exactly a government coverup to keep schtuum when I’m on the bus with a child and shopping so only one hand is free…
  4. While on the topic of messages… giving a big thumbs up when I say something with which you agree… you aren’t the Fonz… let’s move on.
  5. Still lingering on the messages. When I am finished on a phone call or talking to someone in real life, I don’t just… walk away or disappear. I say ‘goodbye’ or ‘talk to you later’ or whatever suits the circumstances. The total ‘silence’ which has now become an indicator of the conversation being over is the real life equivalent of diving behind a bush car or over a fence to hide rather than saying ‘goodbye’.
  6. The chime when someone comments or private messages you has now become like a note struck on a piano. If every time you said something to me it was accompanied by a bell chiming I’d just ask you to stop talking. Which is why whenever possible I put my computer on mute.
  7. Memes. Just.Stop.Now. Just because a quote is prominently displayed in a square with a, usually edgy sort of coloured background, does not mean it is good advice or sound theology. Are we so easily swayed that we now ‘LIKE’ anything in a text box or with that photo of Gene Wilder in the background?
  8. Food photos. Equivalent of chewing your food and showing it to the others at the table.
  9. Emoticons. Ok, I use smileys and the crazy face because I’ve fallen prey to the idea if a little yellow round head uses those expressions it is nearly like really being face to face while we speak. Except. I do not have a perfectly round head. It isn’t yellow either. And… this is important… I do not EVER stick out my tongue while talking.
  10. Groups. Adding me to a group without really knowing if I am interested in Japanese Cuisine. I’m just thinking, my TOTAL lack of skill in the kitchen combined with flying knives. Yeah, not really for me. But coming back from lunch to 693 notifications from those who ARE good with cooking… and knives isn’t my idea of fun. It reminds me of that time my address was added to a door knob enthusiasts mailing list…

So what things about Facebook would you prefer stay on Facebook and not enter real life? Comment below… 🙂

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