|I have had requests to repost this blog post from families in the special needs/special needs adoption community.|
I am struggling tonight to forgive someone. Someone that is close to us and should know better but someone that has deeply wounded us. More to the point, they may have deeply wounded our child.
I sit here grieving over what has happened today and find myself struggling to forgive. I do know I need to, I do. I know that we need to not only forgive but move on and leave it behind. This is true forgiveness… not just letting go of what happened but leaving it, not permanently attaching it to the person who transgressed against us.
It is difficult when it is something that could hurt your child. My daughter, as I literally just posted last night, is lovely and wonderful and means the world to me. She means more than the world to me. She is my most blessed gift from God and when I hug her and praise her I am also praising Him because she is so closely tied to Him.
She is God’s gift to me, how I raise her is my gift to Him…
So how do I handle what happened today? It is more than just buying the t-shirt…
The Mr. and I are broken and crushed in spirit on our daughter’s behalf. We are shocked and hurt and afflicted by this situation. We may be the only ones because the person who we are struggling to forgive seems to be sleeping soundly in our guest room right now. At least that is what we think.
So, I went to the one that I knew would give me the right answer… we have been praying and the Mr. finally went to sleep (it is nearing 2am here right now) so I am reading the Bible. Whilst I read and study my Bible daily, tonight I was more than just reading it, I was hoping to have a conversation with the Creator of the Universe with it. Not in the ‘Voodoo Hermeneutic’ sort of way of opening the Bible and pointing my finger randomly, but in the seeking God in a David pleading sort of way. You know what? He’s amazing that way, He doesn’t rely on the latest technology to speak to us in literally any and every situation. He doesn’t send emails, update his status on facebook and He certainly isn’t on twitter.
But the Bible, He speaks to us through His word. His WORDS are always the right ones. And tonight was no different. Tonight He met my heart in this place of pain and hurt, bitter disappointment and fear that my daughter’s feelings were hurt deeply.
I know He knows how much I love her. He loves her even more. I know He knows how much what happened today has hurt our entire family. It hurt Him too. He knows the pain of watching as someone unjustly hurts your child. It happened to His child. So it stands to reason He knows how to forgive. He’s done it for us all.
I read this tonight.
As I sit here asking Him to help me forgive someone who has been unjust to my child, who is so precious and loving and vulnerable and unable to defend herself, He reminds me that though I am in pain and afflicted, I am NOT free from the need for my own forgiveness.
No. I, too, need forgiveness for my sins. I need to look back upon my day and see that I have sinned and the sin that was commit against my daughter today did not separate that person from the LORD anymore than my own sin has separated me from the LORD.
So, how do I forgive this person? Well, tonight I’m starting on my knees asking for my own forgiveness. And tomorrow, well I’m hoping that the forgiveness I’ve received tonight will not just bring me back into relationship with the Father, but will also help me extend His forgiveness to another.